Memoirs of a half banana

We hate our customers

2011-08-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Do you like trendy clothes? Well if you do, then EFFU!

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude. Come visit our latest branch to see more.

Jeez, are they trying to take on FCUK?

Welcome August 2011

2011-08-15T05:40:00.000-07:00

I'm backkkk after a 3 year hiatus.... been busy with crap and realized that I needed to write crap like this blog to keep my sanity intact.

Stay tuned for updates real soon...

What Pitt??

2008-09-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Folks, I'm no longer in Singapore and now back to good ol' KL (however, with deep disappointment over the sh*t that has been happening in Malaysia in recent times. Taiwan, Bukit Bendera UMNO, ISA. If you're a Malaysian you probably know what I'm talking about...)

Anyway this is Brad Pitt, envy of many women and some men too:

And...

This is Bread Pitt, envy of bun lovers:

What drink?? Part 1

2008-09-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of firsts:

- 1st time I woke up early in the morning without an alarm clock and without trying to get snooze a few more minutes
- 1st time I went swimming at 6am in the morning for an hour
- 1st time writing a blog entry at 7.45am before heading to work
- 1st time trying hard to think of something witty to write at this early hour of the day

And also, the 1st installment of a new series I'll like to call 'What drink??'. Perhaps you remember my earlier 'What soup??' postings, so this one is pretty similiar.

Anyway too much words to get to the main topic:

In Malaysia it's usually Jumbo or just plain Big or Besar to indicate an upsized (learned this word from Singapore fast foods hehe) drink. But, this shop decided to call it Dinosaur. Ni kan tao ma? Ni yao he ma?

Fatness is a disease?!

2008-08-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

Snapped this somewhere in Cameron Highlands:

Apparently, 'gemuk' is a type of penyakit. Translation: Fatness is a disease. Though I'm sure they didn't meant it that way, I find this somewhat insulting to people with weight issues (hope this sounds more politically correct). And by the way, can someone enlightened me what kind of disease is Hilang Panas?

Symmetry

2008-08-27T09:18:00.001-07:00

Snapped this while adventuring alone in Singapore city. I like this photo, so just thought of sharing it. Here are a few of the Suntech Towers, all with same design and shape.

And here's the hopefully-funny-punchline:
I bet they look like Tetris blocks from a helicopter view.

It's my way!

2008-08-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's my way! Not to mention, also my brother's, my father's, and my grandfather's way....
Ok lame.

Singapore quirks... Part 1

2008-08-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

I've been in Singapore for two weeks, and I already noticed some of the quirkier (such a word exists?) things about this island / republic / country. So this will be Part 1,... Part 2 to come along hopefully in the future. Here goes:

Ground floors are labeled as '1' instead of 'G'. So a 2nd floor in Singapore would be a 1st floor in Malaysia. Darn Singaporeans, so kiasu, always wanna be one notch up above of us Malaysians. :-P

Singapore seems to have a fascination with nameless, brandless, China-made phones. Everywhere I go I see them selling these. I'm not sure how much they're selling, but I would expect dirt cheap. Even normal branded phones here in Singapore is already cheap (compared to Malaysia, due to the higher purchasing power of Singaporeans), why would they wanna buy China-made phones?

This is an amphibious vehicle which supposedly brings you on a tour on the road and also on water. Interesting!

You might be wondering what's quirky about this one. Well to me, there actually is an expected completion date printed clearly for all to see, even for something as simple as repairing a public fountain! Deadlines for public scrutiny! In other words, more transparency and accountability. I love this, I only wish Malaysia could be more like this. *Sigh*

The time taken to travel between stations are clearly mentioned, allowing you to make a pretty accurate assessment of the traveling time required on the MRT. Again, this is a simple thing that helps the public know what level of service to expect. I wish this is something Malaysia could do! (KTM KOMUTER and STAR LRT, I'M LOOKING AT YOU!!!!)

Olympic bird nest stadium cake! LOL! Maybe they have this in Malaysia, I'm not sure.

Part 2 will come when I'm able to snap more pictures...

What you want to drink? Anything?

2008-08-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, I wanna drink anything. Seriously.

This is a soft drink from Singapore.

Here's the tagline: Any taste, for any thirst. Does it make sense? Not really. But I can tell you, it tastes just like anything. Hehe ok seriously, it kinda taste like Zappel.

There's also a drink from the same company called 'Whatever'. No kidding. I'll get one the next time I have the chance.

Please, stop the bullshit.

2008-08-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

My original plan for this blog is for it to be light-hearted, funny, and basically a platform for me to express the things that I find amusing or interesting (regardless if anyone reads my blog or not). However, today I will stray off a little to vent my growing frustration at my government who seems to go from bad to worse at an alarming rate.

May I point you to two news articles:
Article A: Government decides to bring forward 'floating' price mechanism.
Article B: Najib: No more fuel rebates if you don't appreciate them.

Take note that both these articles are published on the SAME day.

Ok, now let's play a game of "SPOT THE BULLSHIT".

Article A: Abdullah said in a statement yesterday the Cabinet decided to bring forward the “floating” price mechanism for fuel after considering the drop in global oil prices over the past few weeks as well as higher inflation in July.
Article B:Najib added that the decrease was not the market price but only a further reduction in the fuel price.
Wojiaojoe: So, did the government reduce the price due to the drop in global oil prices (Abdullah) or because the government just wanted to be nice and reduce the price? (Najib)

Article A: Abdullah also expects the prices of goods to fall.
Article B: On whether the reduction in fuel price would result in lower food prices, Najib said the Government hoped that the inflation trend would decrease.
Wojiaojoe: Abdullah "expects" the price of goods to fall, without giving a proper reason why he thinks so, or what policies he would implement to ensure that prices of good will fall. Najib is not as optimistic as he merely "hopes" for prices to fall. Both are non-commital. Hello dear PM and DPM, you don't just "expect" or "hope" for something to happen. I can "expect" and "hope" as much as you do, does that make me qualified to be a minister?

Article A: “It is a strong indicator of the burden that the rakyat is forced to bear. There is nothing wrong for us to pass the benefit of lower fuel prices to the consumers and it is the duty of a responsible government to do so,” Shahrir added.
Article B: “The rebate, if translated, will cost between 35 sen and 40 sen a litre. If the people do not appreciate the rebates, it is better for us not issue any more in the future.
Wojiaojoe: Shahrir being humble that it is the duty of a responsible goverment to reduce the burden of the people, while Najib being arrogant and threatening us if we do not "appreciate" the government (as if they are not obliged to reduce our burden and we should instead view them as doing as a favour). Dear Najib, can I not be appreciative, but also at the same time felt that more could have been done? Or must I be neatly categorised into either "I LOVE AND APPRECIATE THE GOVERNMENT" and "I HATE AND DON'T APPRECIATE THE GOVERNMENT"? There are no in-betweens?

Article B: He also said they have forgotten about the RM625 rebate given to owners with vehicles up to 2,000cc that was announced in June.
Dear Najib, perhaps you have forgotten that the price of petrol was raised 78cents or about 41% overnight? RM625 is perhaps just 15% of my yearly petrol consumption. This is considering I'm driving a low cc car which doesn't consume much petrol. For other people, it is very likely to be even less that 15%. So please spare me the bullshit that I have "forgotten" about the rebate. Also, I drive to work not because I want to, it is because I HAVE TO. There is simply no feasible or practical public transport for me to go to work.

I'm currently in Singapore now. I can travel almost anywhere with public transport. I do not feel crippled without a car. But in KL, I am totally disabled without one. Whether it is going to the gym, going somewhere nice to eat, going to work, you know, daily routines, I am forced to drive as there simply is no feasible public transport to get me to the places I wanna go. So please also spare me the bullshit of changing my lifestyle and labelling me as 'spoilt' and 'addicted' to cheap oil. Even if I am to cycle to work, I think I'll almost certainly gonna get killed and run over as there are no proper reserved lanes for me to cyle.

Apparently we are an oil producing country and yet we cannot afford to give cheap oil to the people. Giving me a 30cent subsidy on the petrol price still does not make it affordable, considering the purchasing power of our salaries. The price of petrol in Singapore is currently around 1.90 SGD. Dollar to dollar, it is more still more affordable than in Malaysia! And they don't even have government subsidies! And they don't produce oil! So you're telling me that as an oil producing country, we can ill afford to make oil affordable to the people? Yes I realise that oil will run out one day, but what ever happened to all the supposed "savings" that the government gains from reduction in subsidies over the years? Don't mistaken me, I'm not crazy for cheap oil but I just want PRACTICAL transporation. Weren't it promised that the savings are to be used to improve public transport? Where are the improvements? And also to do proper planning and build new lines and routes for trains takes years. So I'm supposed to just swallow the burden and wait for years for the public transport to be improved?

Looking at how arrogant and insensitive our DPM is, it really is a scary thought that he'll be our next PM.

~sigh~

Delete what?

2008-08-20T10:04:00.001-07:00

Was having a discussion with one of my colleague at work. She asked me to click on a menu link titled "utilities", however my woefully out-of-tune ears heard "you delete this". I was about to blurt out "Delete what???" but at the last millisecond I realized my mistake.

Lines in the sky

2008-08-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

The object you see in the photos below looks like an UFO, but in fact it is none other than the sun. Took these photos while stuck in a jam one day on my way to work. I noticed the nice and weird lines in the sky and decided to take some random shots. Here, enjoy:

Nice streetlamp.

Nice streetlamp again.

Nice cranes.

I can see you're somewhat confused? In case you're not familiar with my lame brand of jokes, yes, I like to put photo captions that have nothing to do with the main topic. Here's a random photo:

Confused looking fish.

Tourist trap

2008-08-20T09:44:00.001-07:00

I don't consider myself a very savvy or myvi traveler, but look at this picture:

This is a seafood restaurant that I dined for dinner at Tanjung Tualang after coming down from Cameron Highlands. See that 'Willkommnen' there? It means 'Welcome' in German. Now perhaps it is not fair or accurate for me to say this, but if you happen to see a stall that doesnt look too classy and is not in a fancy location (as compared to Bukit Bintang for example), and it happens to spot some foreign signs such as this one, my guess is it's probably a tourist trap, waiting to overcharge gwai lous! I would love to hear you comment on this one.

Cameron Highlights

2008-08-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Yes I know it's been awhile since I last updated. Been busy with my new job. I'm at Singapore right now for a business trip. Anyway, today I don't have a lot of things to say (12am now, brain is tired), so why don't I just show you some selected pictures from my recent trip to Cameron Highlands? :-) p/s: All photos taken with my trusty (more like rusty now) Nokia N73.

Super fresh fruits and vegetables. Look at the size of those corn compared to my finger. Those of you who knows me well knows that I have really huge hands and long fingers, so you can imagine the size of the corn. I ate it raw, and it tastes sweet! Yes, raw corn! Fantastic. However, one of my friends observed that there were no ants on the corns. I wonder could it be due to pesticides? (Maybe I shouldn't have eaten it raw...)

More beautiful, colorful, cheerful plastic-wrapped vegetables...

Spotted the new singaporean Honda Jazz / Fit, which will be released in Malaysia soon too. There's tons of them in Singapore. And by the way, here's a link to the highly anticipated 2009 Honda City.

Tea plantation

Communications tower right on top of Mount Boh. Ok I kid. There's no such thing as Mount Boh, but I'm actually referring to the Boh Plantations.

Beautiful flowers at Mount Boh... I mean Boh Plantations.

And lastly, here's a common sight in Malaysia.

Here's a sign asking us to love our rivers and to take care of it....

And here's the aforementioned river. It's disgraceful. When can we stop having third-world mentalities??!!! Sheesh!!

Love dog

2008-07-12T03:38:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to my dog, Pammy.

She's a really lovely and loving dog. See that heart-shaped black patch on her body? :-)

Talk about stating the obvious

2008-07-12T03:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a funny sign that me and my good friends discovered while hiking at Bukit Gasing.

I bring your attention to this sentence:
"Walau bagaimanapun, tumbuh-tumbuhan lebih senang dijumpai dari haiwan".

Translation: However, plants are easier to be found than animals.

Like... duhhh!

I shudder to think what kind of forest would have animals that are more easy to spot than trees and plants! Maybe they had 'concrete jungle' in mind, whereby there is definitely more city-dwelling animals called homo sapiens compared to plants.

Scary shopkeeper

2008-07-12T03:14:00.000-07:00

Would you walk into a shop to buy stuffs if it had a shopkeeeper such as this:

Well, with us cutting down more forests in the name of development, I guess food is becoming scarce in the forest. Even orangutans need to come out of the jungle and be budding entrepreneurs in order to survive.

Jokes aside, this thing really freaked me out for one second while I was strolling along some festival in Kuala Terengganu. Poor Spongebob, however, is permanently terrified! Look at the look on his face!

Government health advice

2008-07-12T03:12:00.001-07:00

Yo peeps! (What is a 'peep' anyway? Is it as in, Peeping Toms? What if your name is not Tom?). It's been awhile, have been busy recently and started a new job about 1 week ago.

How are you guys doing? Feeling unhealthy recently? Gaining weight, on the path to obesity? Well if that's the case, you better use the elevator. Don't try to use the stairs as a form of exercise. Why, you ask? Because that's what our government advises:

So, use the stairs only if you're STILL healthy!

No wonder all those overweight makciks never use the stairs, even if it's just to go down one floor. Just heeding the government's advice, wo kan.

Favourite wokanwokan youtube vids - Hiromi Uehara "XYZ"

2008-06-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

This is my first post in a new series called "Favourite wokanwokan youtube vids".

One of my hobby is music. If you're a musician, please watch this video. It's probably not for everyone, but if this doesn't blow your mind, I'm not sure what will. I have seen this Hiromi girl in Singapore before at the Esplanades. I can't describe to you the sheer awesomeness of Hiromi. See for yourself:

Speechless. But since this is a blog and you can't hear me talking anyway,... Typeless.

I don't mean to be mean, but...

2008-06-28T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hi folks. Today I'm gonna talk about something that irks me quite a lot. I'm sure in your daily life, you would have had a conversation with somebody that goes like this:

"xxxxxxx, aaaaaaaa, that's mean yyyyyy, zzzzzz, etc etc..."

I'm emphasizing the "thats mean" part. Usually these term is used by people whom English is not their first language. Now, I don't mean to be mean. My English isn't perfect either. So, I mean no offense, please view this as an educational post.

Folks, the correct way of saying it is "That means xxx". Not "That's mean".

"That's mean" means that you're saying something is mean. For example, you saw some dangerous police man harassing some poor folk who was minding his business finding his way to Terminal Putra. So then you'll say "That's mean!!!", in the same way you would say "That's bad!" or "That sucks!" (please don't say "That's suck!", that's realllly wrongggg).You got what I mean?

What irks me even more is when someone says "That's mean that xxx". That's like a combo of bad English. That's owning.... monster kill... godlike! (Sorry, I miss DOTA).

So there you have it. Let's make the world a better place by using our languages properly, and not by mutilating languages and creating some absurd terms like "Wo kan wo kan". Oops...

Watch out! Dangerous police lurking around!

2008-06-28T20:51:00.001-07:00

Caught this rather curious sight near Terminal Putra, on my way to catch my bus to Kuala Terengganu.

Watch out! Where could the 'polis bahaya' be hiding? Must be somewhere in the bushes! Or did he squeezed into that metal box? Where is he? Wo bu kan tao, wo bu kan tao!

What soup?? Part 2

2008-06-28T20:41:00.001-07:00

I'm currently in Kuala Terengganu for holiday + meeting up my friend + some work. On the way there, the bus stopped at Kemaman for a short break. I was feeling a bit hungry, looking for some food, and then I saw this:

Did you see that? Wo kan tao! Yes folks, I though sup buntut was outrageous, but this one takes the cake! SUP GEARBOX??!! OMG!!! Is the main ingredient transmission fluid??!! How many cars had to sacrifice their gearboxes to make one bowl of this soup?

Now I know some of you may know what this is, but me hailing from good ol' KL, this is very absurd and foreign to me. I didn't have the stomach and courage to try the soup...

Malaysia is really a paradise for exotic food. I can't wait for my next discovery.

What soup??

2008-06-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

Dear sir, would you like to try our latest soup, SUP BUNTUT? Now this boggles my mind. If it's oxtail soup, shouldn't it be called Sup Ekor? While they're at it, why not call it Butt Soup? Ass Soup? Backside Soup?
(Sorry for the bad quality image!)

Cute cars

2008-06-19T05:01:00.001-07:00

I have always liked cars, but not to the point of being fanatical about it. In fact, I actually know almost nothing on the technical side of things. I only like to drive cars. Drive them fast. And hopefully not knock into somebody or something. I do not enjoy bringing my car to the service center, workshops, etc. etc. I do not enjoy hanging the day out in a car accessory shop. So do I really like cars? What is the purpose of this rambling? Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why am I adding to this suffering by making you read this senseless ramblings?

Ok before you are completely lost all interest in my blog, here are some photos of cars that I snapped recently:

Car spotted in Alor Setar. I think this is really cute, creative, and original!

Car spotted at Giant, Bandar Kinrara. Kelisa trying to look like a Mini Cooper. End results are not too bad, I would say.

The new Mini Cooper S. Photo taken at my office building (my office shares the same building with BMW headquarters, and BMW owns MINI). Weird car with weird doors. I don't like. But I don't mind if you're gonna buy one for me.

Nice F1 car at Midvalley. If only those ladies would move out of the way so that I can get an unobstructed view of the car. Hehe, just joking. Nice ladies too!
This is an Indian car, the Tata Indicar (cleverly renamed to Indicab for the taxi version) that faithfully fetched me to office daily when I was sent to Chennai for work last year.

Lastly, brand new BMWS in a row. What an awesome sight. Just one of the privileges working in the same building that houses BMW's headquarters.

So did enjoy seeing the cars? I'm sure I did! Wo kan wo kan!

Yummy!

2008-06-19T04:43:00.001-07:00

This blog posting serves no purpose other than to gross you out. This photo shows toads that are waiting to be cooked in a chinese restaurant. Enjoy!

That's just so cheesy!

2008-06-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

There's a new fast food burger chain in town and it's called Wendy's. One branch just opened recently next to Fitness First at IOI Mall in Puchong.

Look at what they're offering:

See that first option? What's that? It's baked Potato with Cheese & ... wait for it... Cheese!!! I know what they're trying to say but it just doesn't sound right, does it?

Beat the petrol price hike!

2008-06-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone is feeling the burden from the recent petrol hike from RM1.92 to RM2.70. That's a whopping 40%. Even if you don't own your own transportation or you cycle to everywhere you go, you're still indirectly affected. Dealers of all kinds from food to goods will use this excuse to raise their prices. It's inevitable.

Here's a picture I snapped on the night the petrol hike was announced:
See that green blob light over there? That's Petronas. Actually the jam is much longer than what you can see in this photo. This happens every time there is a petrol hike. It's crazy!

Anyway, back to the main point.

So, in the face of this harsh reality, how do we save petrol?

One way is to DRIVE SLOWER! It really works I tell you. For my latest full tank of petrol, I managed to get a mileage of 490km for about RM88 (based on the new price of RM2.70). That comes to about 15km/litre. Previously, I will usually get a mileage of about 420km for about RM65 (based on RM1.92). That works out to be 12.4km/litre. So with my new driving style, I managed to increase my mileage by 21%!

Just for the record, I'm driving a manual Kia Picanto with a 1.1 cc engine.

I made a conscious effort not to exceed 3000RPM, and usually I'll average at 2500RPM. On my 5th gear that translates to around 90KM/H.

For my next petrol tank, I'll try to beat the 500KM milestone by driving even slightly slower, not using air-cond whenever possible, etc. We'll see the results...

Click here to see hot males!

2008-06-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

Bet I attracted you with this blog title, didn't I? If you're a lady, well too bad. There's no hot male here. Really. If you're a guy, why did you click??!!

Anyway I'm so excited! My first blog posting with a picture!! Woohoo! Yawn, that's it? The excitement sure didn't last long...

Anywayyy... see this picture here:Here's the place to check your hotmail, as well as hot males!

I'm really not sure if this place was intentionally named like that but I'm surprised that the registrar of companies somehow allowed that to go through.

What's next? Is someone going to tell me that gmail actually stands for girl mail?

Are you in, or are you out?

2008-06-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

English can be a strange language. Really. I was talking on the phone with my good colleague, and somehow this sentence came up:

"Joe, I know your character. When you do something, once you go in, you'll go all out".

She was actually discussing something serious with me, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing when I heard that sentence. I mean, hmm... go in?? Go all out?? What an oxymoron!

Some other examples include this whole hot and cool thing. "Wow, coooool!!!"... "Oh,.. she's hot!!" Both words are used to describe something that attracts or fascinate you.

What about "Yo man, let's get down!" and "What's up?" Can't remember which song but there's this 70s disco song with this piece of lyric "Get up! And let's get down!" Huhhh???

And the list goes on...

What the heck is wokanwokan??!!

2008-06-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

If you somehow managed to find your way to this obscure blog, and wondering why the heck the URL happens to be wokanwokan.blogspot.com, well, I'm glad you're curious.

You see, usually when Chinese educated Chinese people try to speak English, they always try to construct the sentence in their mother tongue first, and then somehow directly translate that to English. (This is of course just a generalization, I mean no offense!). That's why you get people who can't tell the difference between 'borrow' and 'lend' because there's no such distinction in Cantonese. Well in my case, I'm an English educated Chinese person trying to speak some Mandarin, so my thought process is reversed.

I'm sure you got the idea by now, but if not, read on.

In English, when we're somehow enlightened by something (or pretending to be enlightened), we'll say "Ahhh! I see I see!". So, if I am to translate that directly to Mandarin, it becomes "Wo kan wo kan!". Of course, this is not correct, and by the way I'm probably the last person you'll want to learn Mandarin from. But I kinda like the ring to it, and hence, deng deng deng deng.... wokanwokan.blogspot.com is born!

I'll start posting some 'real' content soon... stay tuned...

Frist!!!!!!111

2008-06-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

If you're a computer nerd or at least if you frequent Internet forums, you'll probably understand the title. But if you don't, no worries. Welcome to my blog. Yes. I've finally succumbed to the temptation of creating one. No thanks to the inspiration from the awesomely funny blog www.jaythean.com (shameless advertising, he's my best friend!)

Too sleepy and tired to write much for my first post... Stay tuned... Zzzzzzzzz...